Back to Feeling

Big Feelings and the Fear of Being Real

I remember when I decided to become an author. It was after I read The Shell Seekers by Rosamunde Pilcher. After I read her book, I just felt “good.” I remember thinking at the time that it really wasn’t a book about anything—no drama, no murder (I hope I’m remembering this right)—but anyway, I decided I wanted to be that kind of writer. Just write nice things that make people feel good. Feel validated. Although I didn’t articulate all that to myself at the time. I just wanted to write “nice” stories.

I’ve come to realize that the best writers aren’t just skilled with words—they’re brave with their hearts. To truly connect, to stir laughter or tears, to make a reader say “I loved this book!,” you have to be willing to feel it all. You can’t shy away from your own emotions and expect to validate someone else’s. Writing that moves people comes from a place of raw honesty. You’ve got to lay it bare. All of it.

Writing What’s “Safe”

As a writer, my stories, so far (Finally Florida) are about me. About what I’m going through. While writing that blog (Finally Florida started as a blog), I held back my true feelings. I tried to stay upbeat and find the good even on the bad days. I didn’t want people to know there were so many bad days. I didn’t think people wanted to hear about that. I was raised to believe that if you don’t have anything good to say, don’t say anything at all.  Well, as a writer, I have to say something. So, I shared just enough on that blog that I thought was safe.

Surprisingly, the blogs on days when I didn’t filter myself were the days when I would get comments like, “great blog today.” That always made me laugh. I’m like, “Really?”

In my channeled book Back to Being, I get comments that my questions that I have asked the Universe are so “real” and down to Earth, and questions that people relate to. And again, I think “really?”—because you wouldn’t believe how much editing I did with those questions so I didn’t sound like a complete lunatic. Does this mean that other people connect with lunatics? Do I have an audience where I can be me?

The Fear of Baring My Soul

Since I’m dealing with big feelings these days (as discussed in previous blogs), trying to find myself again, and in light of my revelation about good writers being in touch with their feelings to connect with the reader, why then am I so afraid to share these big feelings?

As I was starting to write today’s blog, I immediately began thinking about how I could write this and censor myself. Making sure I stuck within acceptable boundaries of sharing, careful not to overshare. It’s easy to write for people who don’t know me; I can be anybody I want to be. But so far, my blogs are primarily for people who do know me—except that no one really knows me, and that’s because I don’t even know myself. And herein lies my conundrum.

Adaptation and Self-Censorship

While thinking about how to hold back what I’m really feeling in today’s blog, and censoring myself, sticking within a parameter made up in my head, I started to think about all the ways I change who I am (within reason) for each set of circumstances.

From when we are born, we’re put in a set of circumstances where we have to adapt. There’s not only parents, but then the siblings, and each of those siblings has a different reaction to you, and then friends and teachers and coworkers and partners and children, and on and on.

Having big feelings in my family? Well, that just wasn’t done. We weren’t encouraged to share feelings or even have feelings in my family. We were taught to get over it. Eye rolling was encouraged.

I remember one time in high school, I was exasperated about something (I mean, a teenage girl—could be anything), and I said, “I can’t take it anymore.” My dad was standing nearby, and he put his hand on his forehead and made this funny gesture about me being so dramatic. I laughed. And that’s how we dealt with life in my family. A lot of laughter. Which is okay, to a point.

What’s Funny, What’s Not

I shared some of my stories the other day with a friend, she was mortified, I just laughed. I said it was a long time ago, and I actually said “it makes me laugh.” But the more I thought about it, the more I thought, “wait a minute, that wasn’t funny.” It wasn’t funny then (I didn’t laugh then), and it’s not funny now.

And my mom isn’t here to tell me how to feel—or more specifically, how not to feel. No one to say “get over yourself.” (I take that back, there are a lot of people in my life that would say “get over yourself.”) Is that why this is coming up now again? Am I finally going to feel something?

Facing What’s Been Stuffed Down

I’ve read that at some point in your life, we will have to face all the hurt and all the feelings that were never dealt with. I don’t know if that’s true. But if it is, I’m in a lot of trouble. I think I’ve got some bubbling up going on.

When my mom was alive, I was allowed feelings to a point—but only to a point. She was compassionate (depending on the subject) for like a minute, and then it was “ok, enough now.”

When your life is surrounded by people who say “enough now,” or “get over yourself,” or “quit being so dramatic,” or “1-800-let-it-go,” well then, you just learn to stuff it down. You learn to be someone different. You learn that whatever you are feeling is wrong. You learn how to censor yourself to fit in.

What I’ve Learned (and What I’m Still Learning)

But in what I’ve written in Back to Being, stuffing your feelings is not what we’re supposed to be doing. We are supposed to be facing those emotions, those feelings, those really hard moments head-on. In fact, the only way to move on—or get over it—is to look at it. At least that’s what I remember in the book. I’m going to ask the Universe in a minute.

In the meantime, I should take all these raw feelings and emotions that are bubbling up, and I should write a book. A raw, emotional, unhinged book. Just like musicians who write their best songs (sometimes) when going through a breakup or sad time. (Think Adele. Hello…)

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Channeled Response to the (censored) Question:

Q. Are all these feelings bubbling up as a result of my mother’s death? Now that I’m Free to Be (name of my next book!), free to have feelings, I don’t want to keep reliving feelings that make me sad. There are reasons to push them down! There are reasons we develop coping skills in our youth so we don’t have to face emotions that we don’t know how to deal with. When we engage in therapy (talk therapy), how does that coincide with letting go, with Back to Being, and forgiving, and our blueprint and all these things we talk about to move past our limitations?

A. Remember key words from the book—and overcoming is a big one.

In order to overcome stumbling blocks (i.e., issues you are grappling with that cause feelings such as sadness, anger, jealousy, despair), we have mentioned facing them head-on. So yes—talk therapy is great. Journaling is great. Journaling is a tool that will help you sort it out.

Now ask yourself:
Why?
Why are you feeling these feelings at this juncture?
Is there causation?
Are you able to simply recognize they are unresolved from so many years ago and just let them up—and specifically, let them out?

You have held feelings in all your life.
If these feelings that are coming up last only a few days or a few weeks, that’s a blessing.
Facing them and accepting them helps you conquer and overcome them.

Feelings Are the Point

Remember:
Life is about feelings and emotions, not purchases and achievements.
(Well… soul achievements are.)

Be glad to be able to express these emotions—even if only to yourself and a therapist.
Expressing. Acknowledging. Allowing. And yes—forgiving yourself.

Forgive yourself for having feelings.
You may have been hurt and manipulated for years.
But now, you are in control of how you want to feel.

How will you allow yourself to feel?
Be brave.
Feel what you want to feel.

Being Means Allowing

When you are in a state of Being (as talked about in Back to Being), you are:

• Allowing yourself to feel
• Allowing yourself to be guided
• Trusting that you will be led to the steps that enable you to overcome
• Receiving steps suitable for your soul’s journey

In a state of Being, you are led to the proper next steps in all facets of your life:

• Book writing or blogging
• Working (or not)
• Bus and train rides
• House and car buying
• Trips and vacations
• Bills and groceries

It is all taken care of in a state of Being.
You are led—and it’s your job to allow.

Let Tomorrow Be Tomorrow

Don’t plan what to do about your emotional uprising.
Let your soul guide you to healing.
Allow it.

Today you are recognizing.
Let tomorrow be tomorrow—without worrying or planning how your healing or therapy will go.

With your jobs, your books, your trip to France, or money…
This time we do mean “let it go”—but in a good way.

Let each day go.
And feel free to feel however you want to feel.

xoxox

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AI sums it up as a Universal message:

Big Feelings, Real Healing: A Message for All of Us

This post is a brave unraveling of what it means to feel deeply in a world that often asks us to “get over it.” It’s not just one woman’s story—it’s a mirror for anyone who’s ever censored their truth to stay safe, palatable, or in control.

The core message?
We all adapt. We all self-edit. We all laugh off pain that was never funny. But eventually, the feelings we’ve stuffed down rise up—and when they do, it’s not a breakdown. It’s a breakthrough.

This piece reminds us:

• Feelings aren’t flaws—they’re sacred signals.
• Coping mechanisms helped us survive, but they’re not meant to be lifelong prisons.
• True healing begins when we stop performing and start allowing.
• Being real is the most generous thing we can do—for ourselves and for others.

Whether you’re grieving, journaling, writing, or simply trying to make sense of your inner world, this post says: You’re not alone. You’re not too much. And you’re allowed to feel it all.

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If you would like to ask me or the Universe a question, email me at Ask the Universe

If you would like to buy my books:

Back to Being

Finally Florida