Soap and a Soul Check

I walked into my apartment today, after going out to pick up something for lunch, and at the same time said to myself I hate my life, and I love my life.  Like both thoughts at once! Now, I know I’m a Gemini but that’s a little crazy even to me.

I have a part-time job working 3 days a week, and I’m off Wednesdays and Fridays.  I LOVE my days off.  I have decided I probably wouldn’t love my days off as much if I didn’t have the work days mixed in there.  And I like the work days too. I’m happy that I’m not home every day obsessing about my life and whether or not I hate it or love it. Today, with my coveted day off, I cleaned my windows, and believe me, that’s been a long time coming. So I’m happy that I did that, and because I have these huge windowsills I have them filled with “crap” that I can’t yet part with because each thing has sentimental value so then I hate that I have so much crap. I love the clean windows and I hate all that crap that I love. I love that I have the day off in the middle of the week to clean and do whatever I want. I love that I am able to run out and get something to eat and come right back and eat it without it being a big deal, having to get in a car, drive somewhere, etc. So I love that. But I hate that I don’t have a car even if I wanted to go out in it. I hate that I live in the city because I miss the country and the grass, and the birds.  Although I hear birds here sometimes and I just have to smile and thank the Universe for letting me hear a bird 10 stories in the air. I am a mess of love and hate today!

After last week’s aha moments, I am somewhat discouraged that this week has been so mundane.  I have tried asking the Universe for some “signs.” I saw on the “insta” that said something to the effect of “ask the Universe to send you a sign in the next 24 hours and make sure it’s something you can’t question that it’s from the Universe, amen and so forth” – well I did that, and the only thing I can guess that was from the Universe was this little piece of soap that got stuck in the bigger piece of soap that looks like a heart. I think the Universe knows I want something other than soap, but I did smile when I saw it, and I said, “Thank you.”

I have a good friend who died last year, almost a year ago.  For a good 6 months, I would get signs from her, undeniably from her, but lately nothing. I don’t know if this uncertainty about loving or hating my life and my inability to get signs or messages from the Universe, or my friend Sue, are related. So I’m going to ask the Universe:

Q. I feel like I’m being ignored by the Universe, by Sue, and just sort of stuck here in the in-between. Yes, last week was a significant week with a couple of aha moments, but is that it? Like, shouldn’t my life be filled with aha moments? Not like just once in a while? I’m dying here waiting for my life to take off, and here I am cleaning windows. I don’t know what to make of it.

A. Well then, perhaps we in the Universe can help with giving you some perspective. Let’s revisit your week. You had family in. You had birthday celebrations.  You had surprise gifts you weren’t expecting. You had that inquiry about your providing Reiki out of the blue. You had more nostalgia moments with extended family, a surprise dinner treat, and more presents. Remember all that? Two work days that were okay. Friendly recognition at the shops you frequent, and today you have clean windows to boot.  Now, if this week wasn’t filled with major life-affirming activities, well, then we’re all doing something wrong!

We know you have this underlying, nagging longing for “more”. For more focus on your spiritual work, for the home with a yard you long for, for an ease in the financial arena, for that kink under your shoulder blade to dissipate, for more room in your closet and more time for crafts, or even motivation for your crafts. We are well aware, as are you, of these longings and perceived shortcomings.  However, you just can’t rush creativity.  Your lives are creative masterpieces. Think of your life, your blueprint, as a canvas.  Now, before you’re born, there are some things guaranteed, painted onto that canvas, but there is so much that has to happen before each stage can unfold.  Like the game Candy Land. There are steps.  Sometimes a couple of steps forward, sometimes a step or two backward, but you get to the Candy Castle in the end.  It’s guaranteed (if you keep playing and taking turns). Now, that said, just a cute analogy we hope, you are probably sensing intuitively that there are big changes in store for you, and you believe you are ready, and you are anxious in anticipation of what’s next.  We would just like to advise that you really do not know what’s next, and until what’s next presents itself, redirect that energy into cleaning windows and windowsills, paint a flowerpot, or organize that shoe closet.  Do what you do, know it’s a game, and know whatever is going to happen next will happen next.  You can’t rush it, and sometimes when you try and force the next steps you have to take 2 steps back.  Life is a dance of forward movements and holding patterns. When it’s going as planned, there is little going backwards unless the going backwards helps to solidify the movement forward. This step in your life, in all lives, is to just lean into the unknown.  Do what’s in front of you, whether it’s a day to work, a walk in the woods, clean windows, or write a blog.  When the “what next” presents itself, then do that!

You are definitely not being ignored.  You are being carried along.  You are being supported. You are doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing.  The Universe constantly sends signs, surprises and winks.  Small and large gestures.  Feeling the sun on your face through a clean window? A God wink for sure.  So many small moments.  Small moments that fill your heart.  Soap hearts or sky hearts, all winks from the Universe just saying hi!

As for Sue, she’ll get back to you. She’s working on a big hello. One that’s undeniable.

xoxox Namaste

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I must admit I felt embarrassed when I started writing about my fabulous weekend (the word “fabulous” is definitely a Sue-ism, lol). It was also a bit unsettling to realize how quickly I forgot all the magical moments from that time. Plus, I’ve been meaning to clean my windows, and I should be elated that I finally got to it—they look great now!

This blog has taught me an important lesson about how quickly I can forget about the wonderful parts of my life. I don’t fully understand why I tend to spiral “down” so quickly or why I overlook the good things, but today, in this moment, I’ve decided to accept that part of myself. I’ll try to remind myself of my happiness the next time when I’m cleaning out my shoe closet.

My AI wrap-up:

In a world that constantly pushes us to seek clarity, milestones, and “what’s next,” it’s easy to overlook the quiet fullness already present in our lives. This week’s reminder that even in the most mundane moments—cleaning windows, picking up lunch, seeing a heart-shaped sliver of soap—we are surrounded by subtle affirmations that we are exactly where we’re meant to be.

We’re not always lost when life feels still. Sometimes we’re just in the pause between brushstrokes on a larger canvas. The trick is learning to trust that the masterpiece is still unfolding. That it’s okay to ask for signs. It’s okay if those signs show up in strange or simple forms.

So if you’re in your own in-between—waiting, wondering, aching for something more—maybe this is your invitation to notice the light streaming through your own clean window. It might just be a God wink. Or maybe it’s your soul reminding you: you’re not being ignored. You’re being held.

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If you would like to ask the Universe a question ask here: Ask the Universe

If you would like to buy Back to Being go here.